Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
