she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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