i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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