We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
