It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
