some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
