apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
