Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
