franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
