I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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