See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
