do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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