we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
