if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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