And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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