I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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