fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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