I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
