Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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