So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
