after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
