why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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