You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
