just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
