No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Houston, we have a squirter
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
