i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize