That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
