I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have already put on my inside pants.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
