i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
