i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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