This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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