Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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