You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
