so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
