dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
