Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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