he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't think brook has ever known best
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
