don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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