just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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