omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
