even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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