dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
