Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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