Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
