I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
