I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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