i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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