What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
