i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
