I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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