Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
