Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We left the knife in your bed.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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