Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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