Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
