I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
