You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
