nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
