sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize