He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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