she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
