He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
