Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
