Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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