my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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