why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
