I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
