I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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