paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
