Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
