Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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