i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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