I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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