I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
