she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize