i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
