it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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