At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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