I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
