There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
